When we were young, most of us were taught to live by "The Golden Rule."

This article is to share with you why we think using the golden rule as a guideline for your relationships can lead to big trouble.

The Golden Rule says to "Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you." The problem with the "Golden Rule" is... No one else in the entire world is exactly like you.

No matter how close, how connected and how much you love someone else, they are not exactly like you. Because they are not exactly like you, they have different wants, needs and interests--some more important than others.

They also come from a different set of life experiences and circumstances.

The truth of the matter is other people don't want to be "done unto" as you'd like to be "done unto." They want to be "done unto" the way they want to be "done unto."

When Susie worked as a library director, she asked her staff take the Myers-Briggs personality inventory. The results were eye-opening when they discovered that each person had different preferred ways of doing their work.

Before taking this inventory, misunderstandings arose when it was assumed that everybody worked the same way. When the staff talked about how each best liked to do her work, this discovery led to better understanding and more mutual respect.

The same thing happens in your relationships. You mistakenly believe that everyone else in your life wants to do things and live in the same way you do.

We recommend that you tell your mate, partner or people in your life how you would like to be "done unto" instead of allowing guesswork, assumptions and misunderstandings to ruin relationships.

This involves taking a risk. Perhaps for some people, maybe the biggest risk of all--working through fears of not being loved if you say what you really want or how you really feel.

One of those subjects for us was gift giving to each other. We consciously decided that we would decide together what gifts we would give each other on birthdays and at Christmastime because neither one of us like surprises.

It so happened that we agreed about this subject but it could very easily have escalated into trying to fulfill expectations that weren't really there.

Now we're not suggesting that everyone needs to cut surprises out of their lives, but this is what works for us. What works for you may be something entirely different.

The whole point of all this is to emphasize that we all need to live our lives in a conscious manner instead of guesswork.

So we suggest that instead of assuming, that you talk and communicate your wants, needs and interests to those in your life. This way, by communicating openly and honestly, the chances of you getting what you want in your life and your relationships are much greater than if you don't.

© Otto & Susie Collins
Life Channels Staff Writers
All Rights Reserved

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