As humans, we talk to ourselves all day long and what we say to ourselves largely determines the success we have and the quality of life that we experience. If a videotape recorded all that we say to ourselves and the "movies" we run in our heads, what we would see may not be what we are wanting to consciously create in our lives.

You are the director of your life and your relationships and if something isn't working, we are suggesting that you change the script and start creating a different "movie" for your life.

According to Shad Helmstetter, author of the book "Choices," up to 77% of what you tell yourself may be working against you. We are often unaware that we are making unconscious choices with this negative self-talk that sabotages and defeats us.

We'll explain what we mean. Every now and then we have "ear worms" that simply drive us crazy. These aren't actual worms but are songs that get in our heads and we can't seem to think of anything else. For whatever reason, these are usually songs that we don't like in the first place but just seem to "stick" in our brains, playing over and over.

To remove these "ear worms," we play a cd that we love and the "ear worm" disappears.

That's what it's like when we constantly run negative, disempowering movies and self-talk about our relationships and our lives.

We need to become aware of what we are doing and start making new choices if we want positive results.

For example . . .
Instead of running a movie and perpetuating self-talk like "I'll never have a great relationship" and see yourself in unhappy relationships (past or future), we suggest you change the self-talk to something like.."I'm open to new possibilities in my relationships and my relationships are getting better." Your positive "movie" could be seeing yourself happy and going on a date that goes really well.

The trick is to not simply repeat these positive phrases a few times a day but rather to run the "movie" that you want and can believe many times during the day.

For example . . .
If you are in an unhappy relationship and you tell yourself that you have a fabulous, close, connected relationship, your brain will simply tell you that you're crazy. But if you run the movie of something you can believe that is a little better such as--"I'm finding some ways to enjoy myself in my life and my relationship" and then imagine what those ways might be, your brain just may accept that idea.

When you play this "movie," be sure to add tastes, feelings, sounds and anything else that will make it seem real to you.

Susie used this technique last weekend when we were at a seminar in Texas. We had been up early and late to bed for several days in a row and the little voice in her head told her that she would be very tired the next day and not alert.

When she realized that she was running a self-defeating movie in her head of being tired the next day, she immediately changed to seeing herself energetic and excited the next morning. Guess what? She did feel energetic the next day.

Before you discard this idea as positive-thinking mumbo jumbo that will never work in your life, we urge you to give it a try this week. If you do, you may be surprised at the positive changes that can happen in your life.

© Otto & Susie Collins
Life Channels Staff Writers
All Rights Reserved

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