Everyone loves a good story. When it comes to our relationships, sometimes the "stories" we tell ourselves about situations with other people in our lives aren't very healthy.

In his book, "Awaken the Giant Within," Tony Robbins said, "It's not the events of our lives that shape us, but our beliefs as to what those events mean."

It's the meaning you attach to something that determines how you react and how you feel about it.

Susie really tries not to spin "stories" in her head about how other people react to her but recently she caught herself doing just that.

She has been friends with a woman in our community for many years. In fact, this woman sometimes teaches Susie's Women's Studies class for her when she is out of town. This woman is very busy with her job working in student services at our local college.

Susie started noticing that this woman was abrupt on the phone with her when she called her workplace. When Susie gave a speech at a local woman's group and this woman was in the audience, Susie noticed that this woman seemed distracted and not really paying much attention.

Well, you guessed it...Susie began making up "stories" in her head that Susie had done something to cause this woman to be "cold" and distant with her.

Luckily, this didn't go on very long because the two of them ran into one another at the YMCA and it was very evident that the woman's stress and apparent distance had nothing to do with Susie and everything to do with her job.

What a glorious learning experience and reminder this was!

Had Susie chosen to distance herself from her friend because of supposedly being snubbed, she would have lost out on a long-time friendship and would have carried unresolved hurt and anger perhaps for a very long time.

What "stories" do you tell yourself about what's going on in your relationships with your friends, family, co-workers or partner?

Are they things that will bring you closer together or move you further apart?

When we tell ourselves unhealthy stories that aren't based on reality, it only keeps us stuck in the past or has us spending time projecting into the future about something that may or may not happen.

To create conscious, connected relationships, we suggest that you choose to look at what's actually happening in the present moment.

If you don't know what's really going on with someone else--ask.

Take the courage and the time to find out what's going on with the person. It's the only way you'll know.

© Otto & Susie Collins
Life Channels Staff Writers
All Rights Reserved

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