Recently we (and probably millions of other people) got an email from a company that promised to help us or anyone else find a "compatible" partner.

Since we're inundated with unsolicited, s*p*a*m email messages daily, we usually delete and ignore them.

The message from this dating service caused us to think...

Here is what the message said...

"Our TRUE Compatibility Test is the only truly scientific online compatibility test and the only one endorsed by Psychology Today. We measure 99 relationship factors to help you finally meet your most compatible partner, someone who you totally fit with."

While we're certainly not against compatibility, we think there's much, much more that goes into creating a relationship that is passionate, alive, vibrant and growing than just compatibility.

Webster describes the word "compatible" as "able to exist or act together harmoniously."

To many people, "acting together harmoniously" is something that they don't have in their current relationships and they would love to be with a "compatible" partner.

Sometimes there's the belief that compatibility means never having "issues" that come up between the two of you--there's "smooth sailing" and neither one of you is ever triggered by the other.

We don't think this idea of compatibility is what "alive" relationships are all about. We think there's much more that's possible for all of us.

We believe that one of the reasons we are all in relationships is to help each other expand, learn, and grow.

If you are helping each other expand, you are continually evolving and changing which may mean that the two of you aren't "compatible" at times.

We've found that a common denominator in truly alive relationships is a commitment to growth, change, authenticity and keeping the relationship alive.

How many "compatible" relationships have you seen end because the life had gone out of them and both people had stopped growing together? They had stopped doing the things that would keep their relationship alive.

If you're like us, you've seen plenty of couples in this situation.

Here are some tips that can help you create relationships that are more than "compatible", whether you are currently in an intimate relationship or looking for a new partner...

(If you are looking for a new partner, practice these ideas in other types of relationships.)

1. Make the commitment to growth and allow change. Take the time and have the intention to constantly bring new energy into the relationship. It might mean listening to each other when you are not being "compatible" or trying something "out of your box." It might even mean opening to a new level of intimacy.

2. Make a commitment to authenticity. Nothing can kill a relationship quicker than if there are things left unsaid that are building walls between the two of you. Sometimes being authentic is very difficult but we've found it's one of the main ingredients to having a relationship that's alive and growing.

3. Talk together about what you want for your relationship and your life. Take the time to focus on each other, your relationship and your life. We often get too busy constantly "doing" in our lives and forget what's really important.

4. Open your heart and never take your relationship or each other for granted. Recently, we talked with a friend of ours who's a cancer survivor. When we asked her and her husband what they most learned from this experience, both of them immediately told us that they learned not to take each other, their relationship and their lives for granted.

We think these are wonderful words to leave you with and hope that you will look beyond relationships that are merely "compatible" and choose to create ones that are vibrant, alive and growing.

© Otto & Susie Collins
Life Channels Staff Writers
All Rights Reserved

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