We're reading a great book,"The Cultural Creatives," and in it, the authors, Drs. Paul Ray and Sherry Ruth Anderson, give the best description of openness that we've heard--"Trusting yourself to listen to others and not lose your sense of direction."

We think these are good words to live by.

One of the challenges for many people is to stay open to others and not lose themselves, especially with spouses, intimate partners, children, parents, co-workers and especially during family get-togethers.

Many get caught up in other people's dramas, losing sight of who they are and taking what family members, co-workers and friends say or do personally. They get caught up in playing old roles and in old arguments before they realize what happened.

This past weekend Otto attended a seminar and during one of the breaks, had a conversation with a man he had just met. With the furor of a television evangelist, this man gave his views on a highly charged subject to several people, including Otto.

Otto found himself listening with the intent to appreciate and learn why this man was so passionately attempting to win others to his point of view about this subject.

Knowing how he felt about this issue, Otto was open to listening to his point of view and understanding where he was coming from but wasn't willing to be drawn into an argument because he didn't agree with him. Instead, he calmly told the man that that was one way to look at the topic and the man seemed to soften.

If you find yourself in one of those situations, we suggest that you listen to understand and stay open to the other person but in the words of Don Miguel Ruiz, author of "The 4 Agreements"--don't take it personally. Be the observer and stay in your center.

How do you do that? Take a few moments to quiet yourself and check in with what you are feeling in the moment. (Even if you have to go to the bathroom to take these moments of quiet for yourself.) Breathe and get in touch with you. Find your inner sense of direction.

We talk a lot about being conscious in your life and in your relationships. When you are listening to people, a good measuring stick to find out if you are staying open without losing yourself is to ask yourself how it feels inside when you "try on" what they are saying. Are you feeling joyful, excited or is there fear, anger, sadness?

Listen to your inner feelings and they will serve as an excellent guide for you.

© Otto & Susie Collins
Life Channels Staff Writers
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