Love Is In The Air

It’s February, the month of Love. And quite frankly, it’s never been an occasion I have celebrated or looked forward to very much. Why? Because I never had a loving relationship over Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s day had always been one of those holidays that made me realize what I was “missing” in my life. And since I didn’t have any special love in my life, Valentine’s day would be depressing. I would end up longing for that ONE Valentine’s day in which I finally had a special love in my life. Oh, it would be so romantic. We would celebrate. He would give me chocolates and a stuffed animal and we would profess our undying love…

But this year’s different. I’m actually involved in a very loving, committed relationship. Am I looking forward to Valentine’s Day this year? Not really. “But why?,” you may ask. Well, now that I’m in a committed relationship Valentine’s day seems like such a commercialized reminder to tell someone you love them. Shouldn’t every day be Valentine’s day?

Now I see what my dear friends and relationship mentors meant when they released a CD called “Everyday is Valentine’s Day.” I never fully understood the concept, though I appreciated the sentiment.

In my current relationship, we do not let a day pass by without expressing to one another our appreciation and love for one another. Just yesterday, in January, my fiancé (I just got engaged) gave me a card for absolutely no reason at all! It had two kittens snuggling together and said something like, “I just enjoy hanging out with you…” It was so sweet. We are constantly doing nice things for one another. I’ll pick up his favorite dessert and surprise him for dinner. Or he’ll pick out a movie he knows I’ve been wanting to watch. We constantly appreciate one another verbally and through nice gestures.

This Valentine’s day won’t be any different from any other day that we’ve spent together. And now, to me, it feels like if someone needs “Valentine’s day” to give someone a card, or to tell someone you love him/her, or to take someone to a romantic dinner, than the relationship may need more help than a holiday.

My fiancé and I just finished reading a wonderful book titled “Conscious Love” by Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks. It was wonderful. But ironically, we were already doing most of the things they recommended in order to create a harmonious, conscious relationship. We were doing them naturally! And it was easy.

Here are some important things that we do that have really enhanced our relationship:

-Support one another in his/her creative expression. This came naturally as well. My fiancé is a drummer and he has practice nights twice a week. I am a writer and have research or reading that I like to do in my spare time. We both allow each other the space to express our creativity. In fact, we both admire and appreciate that about each other. I love it when he talks about a song he was working on. He loves it when I’m typing away at the computer, because I just got an idea. We fully support one another in this way.

-Express your appreciations daily. Every day there is something to appreciate about your partner. Verbalize it. I have been making lunches in order for us to save money, and my fiancé expressed how much he appreciated having a lunch to take to work. The other day, I expressed to him how much I liked his analytical side… We are constantly finding things to appreciate about one another.

-Remember that life situations are impermanent. This may sound like a weird thing to think about. But every time I turn on the news, I hear about death due to accidents, murder, natural events, a tragedy or something else. And I often think about how if I were to die tomorrow I would want my fiancé to know, without a doubt, how much I love him. I think about the fragility of life often. At first, I thought maybe I had something wrong with me, but then I read that Buddhists often contemplate death as a way of “getting out of their physical bodies” and “releasing any attachments.” This has been helpful to me in my relationship because I don’t take any day together, for granted.

If you support one another’s creative expression, appreciate each other daily, and know that life is impermanent and therefore not one day should be taken for granted, you will have a healthy conscious relationship in which you celebrate Valentine’s day every day.

© Lisa Hepner
Life Channels Staff Writer
All Rights Reserved

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