Asking for help is often necessary, especially in relationships. However, many people, including myself, have a problem with asking for help. It's just so darned difficult!

Why? Because helping other people has become such a virtue in our society ever since we were small children. We're constantly bombarded with messages like 'It's good to be a giver' and 'take charge of your life!' Being helpful and independent isn't always the best thing. Sometimes we need to know when to ask for help. Don't get me wrong, I know why helping others and being independent is frequently preached. It's efficient. You're not involving another person; you're relying on yourself. You're the helper, the take charger, compared to the helped and the take charged. You know the old cliché; the only person you can control is you. This is all true, but it doesn't change the fact that we all need to ask for help in certain situations, whether it's opening a stubborn pickle jar or dealing with emotional and sexual abuse.

Asking for help is also a problem because it is more passive than active. Who is the assumed 'hero' in the story, the boy who stands up to the high school bully or his friend that asked him to help? But again, it all depends on the circumstances. It's easy to mistakenly apply one method of improving your life to everything that you do. Our relationships are a play-by-ear basis; we can't always rely on one way of doing things. As our spirit changes, so does our personality and so do the rules regarding what works and what doesn't.

So how do we ask for help when we're not confident about it? How do we ask for help when there's a good chance that we won't get it? We become helpable. Helpable isn't a word, but I strongly believe it should be. The helpable person knows that asking for help is difficult, but once they do, people will know they can help the person without hearing things like, Oh, I can do it myself' or Oh, it's really nothing. The helpable person makes people feel useful. People know that the helpable person doesn't just ask for help, they accept help.

Like most good things, you first become a helpable person by taking a risk. You ask for help when you need it. Even when it's hard, even when you doubt yourself, even if you think people may judge you for it. After you continually ask for help, the people that really matter in your life help you without you even having to ask. You're not just another person that asks for help anymore. You have evolved into a helpable person.

Once you become a helpable person, you won't come across as being hypocritical. You can finally start helping others because people know that you practice what you preach.

Now go on, help thyself.

© Sam Leonard
Life Channels Staff Writer
All Rights Reserved

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