I'm a survivor of something called school phobia. School phobia is similar to social phobia, except that it specifically pertains to having irrational fears about being at school. I remember when I was a young (well youngER) boy; every school-related dream I had was a nightmare. I couldn't walk the halls without blurred vision and a detachment from all emotions. I couldn't even concentrate on my schoolwork. One of my teachers said I shook like a leaf in front of the whole class. Which of course, only made me shake more.

I've thought, why me? Why did I deserve this? What could I have possibly done wrong to feel this bad about accomplishing a simple task like going to school? Most people seemed to handle going to class reasonably well. They weren't thrilled about it, but they still went anyway. There was a point where I feared school more than anything else in the world. Why was this happening to me? I've tried taking medication, but the problem was still there. I've tried 'making the right' choice - going to school even when I didn't feel good. But that didn't help because what was the point of attending school when I refused to allow the experience to help me?

My success story revealed itself as a change of attitude along with an important realization. I was afraid of going to school because I wasn't afraid of failing, I was afraid of winning. Deep down, I was horrified if people knew my strengths because that would draw attention to myself. I just wanted to go through the motions; sail through life as an average person without letting people know how great I could be. My spirit was trying to tell me that if I didn't go to school, so many doors of opportunities would be closed.

It was like a 'click' went on in my soul when I went back to school with rejuvenating thoughts. I actually socialized with people and made eye contact, something I rarely did before. I was happy. I was involved in other extra-curricular activities and even earned a scholarship to college. Confronting my fear of school helped shape me to the person I am today. I'm not saying that I'm 'fixed', however. There will probably be many other challenges my spirit gives me, but I know how capable I am just by doing one right.

So why do we need to do things we're afraid of? 'That's life' is a correct albeit oversimplified answer. We need to confront our fears because it's our spirit's way of telling us that something is halting our spiritual growth. We simply cannot rise to the next level of humanity without facing that which we are afraid of. Is it a choice? Yes, and it's actually a very simple one. Accomplish what makes you feel uncomfortable, because it's the main difference between staying the same and becoming a better person.

© Sam Leonard
Life Channels Staff Writer
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