People always ask us; "What kind of relationship do you have with so-and-so?" Well, I believe we need to ask a more important question, "What kind of relationship do you have with YOU?" The problem we have with solving relationships is we want to look at the effect [bad relationships with others] instead of the cause [bad relationships with ourselves].

Relationship mainly means relating to. We can often easily answer how we relate to others, but when it comes to relating to ourselves, we're unsure.

What does relating to yourself truly mean? Relating is a synonym for connecting. If we feel connected and attached to ourselves, why would we hurt or harm our relationship with others?

I believe there are three important aspects to connecting and relating to yourself:

1. How we understand our own capabilities.
Do we know what we're capable of and what we're not? I believe that's an important problem with human beings. We're hard on ourselves for things we're not capable of, and in turn we forget about the things that we are capable of. Try and write down a list of the things you can't control and the things you can control. You'll be surprised at how easier it is to tackle what's bothering you!

2. How we praise ourselves.
This is extremely important. We tend to take backward steps in solving our problems because we didn't give ourselves enough credit for the progress we did make. We wait for somebody else to give us that praise, and that's wrong because it relies on others to improve our own self-confidence. So the next time you do something truly wonderful (and I'm sure you will), do something that YOU want to do. Leave what other people want out of the question!

3. How we interact with ourselves.
You're probably wondering how do I interact with myself? We all interact with ourselves; it's usually subconsciously and without thought. I'm sure we've all talked to ourselves at some time or another, and I'm sure we've all also acted upon that self-talk. That's what I mean by interacting with ourselves. Before you go to sleep, try having a conversation with yourself. It may sound unusual, but it should help you pinpoint what's really bothering you. It's also great because you won't have another person trying to control their side of the conversation.

Now that you better understand what connecting and relating to yourself means, try using my aforementioned suggestions. I believe my advice is good because it's self-directive and empowers the only person we can control- ourselves. When I apply understanding my own capabilities, giving myself enough praise, and positively interacting with myself, my relationship with others naturally improves with little effort.

© Sam Leonard
Life Channels Staff Writer
All Rights Reserved

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