One of the biggest problems with families isn't necessarily the specific problems that occur inside the home, but how we generally compare ourselves to other families.

Have you ever heard someone say something like, I wish my son was more outgoing and popular like his classmate Tommy or I wish my mom was less strict than Jenny's mom...? You most likely have, in one way or another.

We must first understand why we begin comparing our families if we want to find a workable solution. My theory is that many families look better than our own families on the surface, so it's easy to do. We all tend to feel uncomfortable talking about our families' big mistakes with most of the people we know. Consequently, we start practicing the false belief that we're in a 'bad' family and everyone else knows what they're doing. We try to mimic what a parenting magazine tells us instead of doing what's best for us. We label ourselves and try to be like that picture-perfect family, while completely ignoring that it's probably a cover-up to hide our homebound insecurities.

It's important for us to realize and remember that there's never a simple or convenient guideline for developing a truly productive family. There's not a perfect way for a child to tell his parents that he feels they're being too overprotective. There isn't a magical talk that'll make sexually active teenagers stop having unprotected sex.

It takes a tremendous amount of effort to solve a family problem, which is why many petty family issues evolve into more serious issues. We must learn that we can't take short cuts when it comes to a healthy and stable family life.

Comparing yourself to anybody is usually counter-productive, but it's especially dangerous when families are involved. This doesn't mean you have to be honest with everyone about your family struggles, but refusing to engage in conversation where people brag about how wonderful their family is happens to be a great start. If they have such a great family, why broadcast it? We all have 'skeletons in our closet.' Nobody is immune to this, no matter how family-oriented we claim to be.

It helps me to teach my relatives that our family may appear worse than others may, but it's only a superficial level. We shouldn't judge families by how clean their house looks or what grades the children receive. How well does one family really know what's going on with the next one? Serious and controversial family issues are usually kept private outside of the house unless you're on Jerry Springer.

Regardless, comparing families simply doesn't help. If you stop comparing your family to other families, you'll begin to witness and appreciate the individuality your family acquires. You'll see your family as talented, special, and best in their own way. Once you stop comparing and comprehend that your family isn't 'bad', solving family problems is still difficult-- but it becomes much easier.

© Sam Leonard
Life Channels Staff Writer
All Rights Reserved

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