I used to think that spending lots of time with my family was important. Now, I'm learning that it's not how much time we spend, but how we spend that time. We all know a person can be with somebody for a long time and have the relationship regress and fixate instead of move forward.

So, what determines a constructive way to bond with family members? The answer may be simpler than you think. Doing something your entire family enjoys doing is really all it takes. It doesn't matter what it is. It can be a recreational activity, or a responsibility that needs to be taken care of. Just make sure it's something everyone wants to do.

You might be thinking 'What about when I need to compromise?' True, if you live with a large family, it could be difficult to agree on something. Therefore, compromising is sometimes necessary, but when you can, throw compromising out the window. Compromising isn't always a good thing, just like being selfish isn't always a bad thing. If everyone completely likes what they're doing, chances are everyone will be more open to work on a relationship.

After practicing doing things your whole family enjoys, you may be working on relationships without trying or even realizing it. Let's be honest, we don't think 'Oh, I'm working on a relationship' in real life. It sounds straight out of a bad self-help book. Sometimes it's the simple moments that let us know we're doing something right with our family.

For instance, it could be the first time in a long while that we smiled at a family member. It could be the first time in a long while we didn't say something rude when a family member angered us. It could be the first time in a long while that a family member said 'hello' to us instead of acting like we don't exist.

We all have a tendency to wait for big events to change us. When we do this, the small, subtle moments that truly define who we are fly right by us. To fix things, we then look back for a big event to say what went wrong, but it was actually all the little incidents that simply added up.

When you're able, do something with your family that everyone wants. Don't worry about if you're doing the right thing. If you're enjoying each other's company, that should be all that matters. Over time, if you want to see whether or not your family life is improving, try looking for little changes.

© Sam Leonard
Life Channels Staff Writer
All Rights Reserved

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