This past weekend, my oldest son, who will turn 18 in October, tried to sneak a fifth of whiskey to his best friend. Fortunately-- depending on whose point of view you're seeing it from-- I discovered the hidden fifth in time to surreptitiously replace it with harmless water. My son didn't discover the switch until he was at the party and then spent the rest of the night with the knowledge that his mother had found out what he'd done and wondering what his punishment would be. (The wasted money, his friends' remarks and his restless night worrying were more than enough punishment to my way of thinking.) But the whole incident got me thinking about US culture and its attitudes towards alcohol.

Responsible drinking is something beer-makers tout in small print-- or a really fast voice-- at the end of their commercials, but it's certainly not something that they want or anticipate. What city that hosts a professional football team doesn't have tailgating parties in the parking lot before the games? These parties are nothing but a time to drink lots of beer and eat lots of food before going to watch your favorite team run up and down the field carrying a dead pigskin ball and trying to avoid the other team whose trying to stop them while ordering more beer and more food from vendors walking up and down the aisles. (Can you tell I'm not a fan of professional sports? But that's another story.) There's hardly a show on television or a movie made anymore that doesn't show the main characters drinking alcohol. Colleges and universities have huge problems with student drinking. A semester doesn't pass when there's not a story somewhere in the country about a student who dies or is in a coma from alcohol poisoning. When I went to college in Milwaukee, there were 7 bars within two blocks of my dorm. (There was one church about six blocks away.) I myself have a scar on my brow that is testament to intoxication and required 7 stitches. Some of the biggest selling movies are those in which alcohol plays a starring role.

Then we wonder why alcohol is associated in some way with most deaths among teens.

First, we're sending teens a confusing message. One one hand, we say "Alcohol is bad for you" but most of us probably never host or attend a party in which alcohol isn't served. We tell teens that you don't drink and drive, then we go out to dinner, mom has a drink, dad has a beer or two and one of them drives home. My son wasn't aware of how quickly one could reach the legal limit (in our state) of 0.08BAC or how little alcohol it really takes in order for your average teen to reach that level of intoxication. For adults, many of whom are seasoned drinkers, drinking a six-pack in two hours and driving home may not increase the risk of an accident. But for your average teen-- or shall we say for the novice drinker-- consumption of that much alcohol in two hours would most likely be almost stupefying.

Another way we send teens conflicting messages is through when we define "legal adult". We hold kids responsible for their own actions at the age of 18 (although there is an alarming trend to try even ten year olds as adults for some crimes). Teen boys must register for the draft and can be sent off to die if their government orders it. They can marry without parental permission and raise children. They can sign contracts that are legally binding and enable them to buy a car, buy a house, set up their own checking accounts or brokerage accounts. They can go to X-rated movies and visit strip clubs (that don't serve alcohol). But they can't order a beer, even on their wedding day! And any parent that serves their under-21 child alcohol at home, even if they have the intention of teaching their 18-year-old child responsible drinking, can be arrested.

So what's the solution? I have a few ideas.

Raise the age of legal adult to 21. We have to stop pressuring our kids to grow up so fast and allow them to develop naturally. Scientific studies show that brain development even in 18 year olds is still ongoing. Most 18 year old boys are barely out of puberty and still so unsure in their bodies. Most have no idea what they want to go to school for or what they want to be anyway. Let the time between high school and legal adulthood be a time for them to find out where they want their life to go. Finally, something's terribly unfair if you're not going to allow a legal adult to decide when he wants to drink, but you're going to order him off to war to die all because he's a legal adult. Either give full privileges when a teen turns 18 or change legal adulthood to 21. (And quite frankly, I believe most teens aren't mature enough to drink responsibly-- although they might be if taught from an early age.) Before a teen can get their driver's license, they have to take a class on alcohol awareness. Part of that class will consist of consuming alcohol to get their BAC up to the legal limit and then retaking a series of tests they'd taken at the beginning of the class: some as simple as writing their name. Others as complex as getting behind the wheel of a simulator and taking a driving test. Then they have to compare the two results and see just how much the alcohol affected them.

Part of health class would, for those who chose to have their child participate, involve getting trashed and then waking up the next day and having to go outside and use power tools (well, at least be around them) and a hammer for 8 hours without the benefit of any pain killers. They'd then have to tour a morgue and a hospital to see some of the carnage done by drunk drivers and they'd have to attend at least two lectures given by those who lost loved ones to drunk driving accidents. Those not actually getting drunk would have to sit in the bathroom while those who DID get drunk puked their guts out. Those who puked and those who watched would both be in charge of clean up the next day.

Allow parents to give their own children alcohol in moderation if they choose when alcohol is being served at family gatherings or celebrations. Even to the point of allowing them to order an alcoholic beverage for their child at a restaurant. The rate of alcoholism among teens and young adults in countries like France, where wine consumption is a normal part of a meal even for young children, is far less than that in the US. Drinking responsibly is something that needs to be taught and you can't teach that overnight, between the hours of 11:59 pm on the last day a kid's 20 and midnight on the day he turns 21.

But most importantly, I think that the adults of this world now have to learn to behave more responsibly about alcohol. I caught my son in his attempt to sneak alcohol to his friend because I know him-- I know his patterns, habits, his friends, his behaviors and I can tell when he's lying to me because I spend time with my son one on one, just talking. There's far too many kids-- including some of my son's friends-- who don't have that. Half the time their parents don't even know where they are. We have to teach our children and the next generation by example. We can't drink two six-packs of beer at our family's Christmas gathering, drive home and then, when we get pulled over by the cops, use our pull as a former volunteer firefighter to ask for leniency. We shouldn't get behind the wheel of the car to begin with and if we do, then we take our chances and accept the consequences. If you take your kid to professional sporting events, don't spend the afternoon drinking beer and then drive them home after the end of the game. Kids pick up on a lot more than most of us give them credit for and they're going to see the hypocrisy when you tell them, even years later, "Don't drink and drive." And they're going to ignore you because if you can do it, they can too. If you feel you have to drink to have a good time at a party, please take a long, hard look at your drinking and contact an experienced and licensed counselor to help you determine if you have a drinking problem. If you do, do yourself and your kids a favor: get help now. If you enjoy a drink now and again, make sure you drink responsibly because your children will notice and will mimic your behavior. If you're at a party, designate a driver who will not drink. And stick to it. We can't expect our children to be more responsible than we are ourselves. Or at least if we do, we shouldn't be surprised when they ignore us.

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