Us and Them It's incredible how quickly and irrevocably your rights can be stripped from you. All of a sudden, you're called into your bosses' office and told you're no longer required, or the police and social services turn up on your doorstep and remove your children 'whilst investigations are being carried out', or you're charged with an offence you know you didn't commit.
At first, you're stunned, and full of righteous anger. How can they do this to you? Of course, you know 'they' don't have a leg to stand on, everything will work out, then you'll sue the pants off them.
Then you see legal representation, who are up-beat and sure of themselves, this will soon be all over. Despite your distress, your anger is powerful enough to carry you through. They'll pay dearly for this.
As the weeks pass, you start to alternate between anger and frustration - what's taking so long, why isn't this resolved? You want to go back to normal. There's been a mistake, that's all, it should all have been sorted out by now. You moan to your family and friends, and take comfort in their outrage at your treatment. Anyone can see how ridiculous and unfair this whole thing is.
The weeks turn into months, and to keep yourself busy, you throw yourself into your own defence. You become the world expert on your case, spending hours on-line and in the library, finding every precedent, statute and learned opinion there has ever been on a case like yours. And it turns out there have been lots of cases like yours. Oh, not exactly like yours, of course. They all had problems, none were ever as clear cut as your case, which is why they turned out the way they did.
However, by this point, you're becoming uneasy. This is all taking it's toll on you, and on your relationships. Whilst, rationally, you know that people are probably getting a little bored with you banging on about this, it hurts more than you could have imagined when they make their waning interest plain. Your stress levels are through the roof, and your growing sense of isolation from those around you isn't helping. What's happened to you is earth shattering - but the earth hasn't shattered. It's still spinning, and while everyone around you has been shaken by these events, the shock wave has passed, and they're getting on with their lives.
In the night, you allow yourself to indulge your fear. What if it all goes wrong? What if you lose? What will happen to you, to your family? In the cold light of day, you berate yourself for your weakness and self pity. You've got to stay focused. Indulging yourself in doubt isn't the way to win. Eventually, you take yourself to the doctor, who prescribes sleeping pills, or beta blockers, or anti depressants, or some combination cocktail to stop you sobbing with terror at 3am.
Time drags on. Those people you've read about, the ones who've been through this before you, start to send you sympathetic letters. Nowadays, they spend their time scouring the news, hassling lawyers, journalists, and politicians, trying to get their point out there. It's funny, but you can't remember hearing much about this before it happened to you. It turns out there is a whole network of people, with support groups, campaign leaflets, the lot. They send you some literature, and offer you plenty of well-intentioned advice. On some level, they annoy you. After all, you aren't like them. There are similarities, but in reality, your situations very different to theirs.
Finally, the big day arrives. Your court hearing, trial or tribunal. This is what you've spent the last year or so in limbo for. You're terrified, of course you are, there's a lot at stake. However, you know that anyone can see how unfairly you've been treated. This is an outrage, and you've come to have it stopped.
It goes well. You're happy with the way it was handled. You think your representative did a good job of getting the main points across, and the opposition don't try any nasty tactics.
You lose.
And as your former employer walks away, or your home is taken from you, or your children are handed to someone else, or you're led away to begin your sentence, it finally hits you.
You are no longer one of us. You are one of THEM. And it's all so terribly unfair.
- & - © 2001 Fhiona Sinclair
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